101 Things To Do When You're Bored
[By Margaret Nicholas Decena Alpajora]
1. Wax the ceiling
2. Sharpen your teeth
3. Braid your dog's hair
4. Clean and polish your belly button
5. Water your dog... see if he grows
6. Wash a tree
7. Knight yourself
8. Give your cat a Mohawk
9. Purr
10. Vacuum your lawn
11. Boil ice cream
12. Run around in squares
13. Have your pillow X-rayed
14. Drink straight shots... of water
15. Calmly have a nervous breakdown
16. Exorcise a ghost
17. Exercise a ghost
18. Plant a shoe
19. Sweat
20. Dial 911 and breathe heavily
21. Find a witch
22. Burn her
23. Be blue
24. Be red
25. But don't be orange
26. Be a square root
27. Ask stupid questions
28. Intimidate a piece of chalk
29. Bend a brick
30. Annoy total strangers
31. Believe in Santa Claus
32. Adopt strange mannerisms
33. Pour milk in your shoes
34. Count your belly button
35. Hold your breath
36. Faint
37. Use an eraser until it goes away
38. Swear in Russian
39. Disassemble your car
40. Put it together inside out
41. Interview your feet
42. Rake your carpet
43. Read Homer in the original Greek
44. Learn Greek
45. Change your mind
46. Change it back
47. Design a better toilet seat
48. Build a pyramid
49. Stand on your head
50. Stand on someone else's head
51. Shoot a fire hydrant
52. Apologize to it
53. Pretend you're blind
54. Annoy yourself
55. Get mad at yourself
56. Stop speaking to yourself
57. Translate Shakespeare into English
58. Cheer up a potato
59. Do aerobic exercises... in your head
60. Wear a lampshade on your head
61. Memorize the dictionary
62. Find a bug and chase it
63. Squish a loaf of bread
64. Moo
65. Outmaneuver your shadow
66. Eat everything
67. Buy the Brooklyn Bridge
68. Mail it to a friend
69. Kick a cabbage
70. Sandpaper a mushroom
71. Tie your shoelaces together
72. Run for Pope
73. Think shallow thoughts
74. Take a picture
75. Put it back
76. Sharpen a carrot
77. Put out a fire
78. If you can't find a fire, make one
79. Interview a cloud
80. Throw a tomato into a fan
81. Throw a fan into a tomato
82. Have a headache
83. Scratch
84. Sniff
85. Hatch an egg
86. Baby oil the floor
87. Attack innocent bunnies
88. Declare war
89. Recite romantic poetry... to your toaster
90. Carry a tune
91. Drop it... See if it breaks
92. Sell firewood door to door... in Atlantis
93. Go to a drive-in movie in a tank
94. Go to a non-drive-in movie in a tank and drive in anyway
95. Bronze your sister's turtle
96. See how long it takes for her to notice
97. See what she does when she notices
98. Bronze your sister
99. Go to a cemetery and verbally abuse dead people
100. Read a list of things to do when you're bored.
101. Write a list of things to do when you're bored.
