Things to do at home to make your parents think you're Insane! (Humour)

25 THINGS TO DO AT HOME TO MAKE YOUR PARENTS THINK YOUR INSANE!

1. Follow them around the house everywhere.

2. Moo when they say your name.

3. Run into walls.

4. Say that wearing clothes is against your religion.

5. Stand over them at four in the morning with a huge grin on your face and say "good morning sunshine!"

6. Pluck someone's hair out and yell, "DNA"

7. Wear a sticker that says, "I’m a retard"

8. Have 20 imaginary friends that you talk to all the time.

9. In public yell, "No Mom/Dad, I will not make out with you!!"

10. Do what they actually tell you... Literally!

11. Jump off the roof, trying to fly.

12. Hold their hand and whisper to them, I see dead people.

13. At everything they say yell, Liar.

14. Try to swim in the floor.

15. Tap on their door all night.

16. Give yourself a swirly

17. Run around with a lamp shade on your head yelling "The sun!!! It's dying!!!"

18. Snort loudly when you laugh and then laugh harder

19. Run in circles

20. Have nervous spasms at spontaneous times

21. Pretend to beat yourself up

22. Pretend To have just Super glued your finger up your nose and scream at your parents heads for help

23. Lay face down and chant like an native Indian American tribe

24. When you shower or bathe yell, "I'm drowning!!!"

25. Switch the light button on & off for a while then say, "OHH! I get it!!!"

Things to do in The Movie House to make the other people think you're Insane! (Humour)

21 THINGS TO DO IN THE MOVIE HOUSE TO MAKE THE OTHER PEOPLE THINK YOU'RE INSANE!

1. Wear a top hat.

2. Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"

3. Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses.

4. Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head.

5. Clap when the good guy gets killed.

6. Make a noise like your passing gas and go, "Ahhh..."

7. Starting wheezing and ask the person next to you if you can have some 'Juicy Fruit' for you asthma.

8. During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"

9. Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel.

10. Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones.

11. Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.

12. Tell the person selling popcorn that the girls bathroom is flooding.

13. Tell the man next to you that you have diarrhea and wink while smiling.

14. Wear a cape and when it's your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman!Hahaha!" and run away.

15. Yell, "Fire!" and moon the people coming through the exit.

16. Say that they cannot sit next to you because your invisible friendalready is.

17. Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes.

18. Get there early so you can count the seats then spill water on all of them but your own!

19. Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle.

20. Yell outloud, "Stop molesting me!

21. Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming.

Enjoy! ;)

Things to do in a Department Store to make the other shoppers think you're Insane! (Humour)

10 THINGS TO DO IN A DEPARTMENT STORE TO MAKE THE OTHER SHOPPERS THINK YOU'RE INSANE!!!

1. Stack 27 boxes of tampons in your arms (Each Of You) & put them in random guys carts, when they aren't looking of course!

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the bathrooms.

3. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

4. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other

shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

5. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

6. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

7. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

8. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!"

9. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume

the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

10. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and, then, yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

HAVE FUN!!! ^_^

Amazingly Simple Home Remedies (Humour)

10 AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed. 

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away. 

3. Avoid arguments with your partner about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink. 

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer. 

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. 

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough. 

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache. 

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape. 

9. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.  

10. And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.  

Final Note before the end

 - If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

- Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. 

- The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends --> if they're okay, then it's you.

Have a nice day!!! ^_^ 

How to Bath a Cat (Humour)

Dear Cat Owner,

Following are instructions on the best way to bathe your cat:

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.

3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).

[CAUTION: Don't get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out to grab anything they can find. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.]

5. Flush the toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides a 'powerwash and rinse' which I have found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and run outside where he will dry himself.

Sincerely,

The DOG