Stupidity of Mankind (Humour)

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through  stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

1. On a Sear's hairdryer:

"Do not use while sleeping."

[Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.]

2.On a bag of Fritos:

"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."

[The shoplifter special?]

3. On a bar of Dial soap:

"Directions: Use like regular soap."

[And that would be how.....???]

4. On some Swanson frozen dinners:

"Serving suggestion: Defrost."

[But, it's "just" a suggestion.]

5. Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):

"Do not turn upside down."

[Well...duh, a bit late, huh?]

6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:

"Product will be hot after heating."

[... and you thought???]

7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron:

"Do not iron clothes on body."

[But wouldn't this save me more time?]

8. On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:

"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."

[We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.]

9. On Nytol Sleep Aid:

"Warning: May cause drowsiness."

[And ...I'm taking this because???]

10. On most brands of Christmas lights:

"For indoor or outdoor use only."

[As opposed to... what?]

11. On a Japanese food processor:

"Not to be used for the other use."

[Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.]

12. On Sainsbury's peanuts:

"Warning: contains nuts."

[Talk about a news flash]

13.On an American Airlines packet of nuts:

"Instructions: open packet, eat nuts."

[Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?]

14. On a child's superman costume:

"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

[I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.]

15. On a Swedish chainsaw:

"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

[Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?]

Things to do at school to make your schoolmates think you're Insane (Humour)

90 THINGS TO DO AT SCHOOL TO MAKE YOUR SCHOOLMATES THINK YOU'RE INSANE

1. Randomly get out of your seat and sit on the floor. 

2. When it is very quiet, raise your hand and insist it is too loud. 

3. If the person next to you is quiet, turn and inform them that they are distracting you. 

4. Give your teacher a note that uses improper English and misspelled words. Have the note insisting that you are `the most bestest’ in the class and demand to be moved up. 

5. During a test, tell the teachers `the voices’ are making you cheat 

6. Take out sock puppets and play with them, and occasionally have them grab your classmate’s hair. When the teacher looks, keep the sock on your hand and point to your classmate and tell the teacher that the classmate is attacking you with puppets 

7. If your teacher walks around the room during the test, cover your test and glare at them suspiciously. 

8. If your teacher walks around the room during a test, raise your hand and tell the teacher that they are cheating off you. 

9. When the teacher calls on you to answer a question, talk in a creepy voice and say `I’ll never tell’ and a few questions later raise your hand and ask why you haven’t been allowed to answer a question yet. 

10. Ask to go to the bathroom. Stay in your seat, and when asked if you are going, say `I just did’ 

11. Raise your hand and point to a person on the other side of the room. Insist that that person is cheating off you. 

12. Ask to go to the bathroom. Get up and walk into the wall. Furrow your brow, glare at the wall and walk into it again. Smile sheepishly and then walk out the door. 

13. Raise your hand and ask if you can be excused to skip class. 

14. Hold your head and groan, then tell your teacher that your multiple personalities are fighting. 

15. Stumble into class, slur your words and tell your teacher `I swear to drunk I’m not God ’ 

16. Bring handcuffs into class and wear a plastic fake police badge. Tell your teacher that he/she is under arrest. 

17. Walk into class with handcuffs on your wrist and say “Sorry for being late, I just broke out of prison.” (even if you aren’t late) 

18. Raise your hand and introduce everyone to your imaginary friend Bob. Then loudly whisper to Bob saying that you hate this class. 

19. Chew gum in class. If teacher says `I hope you brought enough for everybody’ take out packs of gum and start passing out gum.

20. Chew gum loudly and when cought by teacher, mummble that you don't HAVE any gum. then make it fall out of mouth and onto desk. then loudly scream "I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT GOT THERE I SWEAR!"

21. Cry out randomly that everyone is against you.

22. Tell your teacher you don’t need to do your homework because you’re skipping school tomorrow. 

23. Randomly laugh hysterically 

24. Wear tissues on your head 

25. Pass around a petition against petitions 

26. Hum `If your happy and you know it’ loudly then randomly start to cry 

27. Get up and get a tissue, then just stand and stare at the tissue. If asked what you are doing by the teacher, claim that you are having a staring contest with the tissue and you’re sure you are about to win. 

28. Poke the person sitting next to you repeatedly until they get angry, then blame it on your imaginary friend. 

29. Go into class, and then run to the window. Sadly proclaim that your imaginary friend just committed suicide. 

30. Invent an imaginary hamster. Ask everyone if they would like to hold him. 

31. In a creepy voice say to everyone `You will die in seven days’ Act like nothing had happened. 

32. Raise your hand and wave it around like you know the answer. Then ask the teacher why they called on you.

33. Laugh hysterically and proclaim `You shall all perish Perish I say ’ Act like nothing had happened. 

34. Ask to go to the bathroom. Get up, run into the wall and pretend to faint. Lay there until someone runs over to help you up, then walk out the door to go to the bathroom. 

35. 

Purposely drop your pen. Ask someone to pick it up, and when they do defensively say `That’s mine ’ 

36. Read with your textbook upside-down. 

37. Bring in a pillow and lie in the aisle and pretend to go to sleep. 

38. Walk down the aisle and pretend someone tripped you. Glare at that person for the rest of class. 

39. Get up to sharpen your pencil or find a tissue, then stand up there and look around. Then cry out `I’m lost ’ 

40. Carefully place the tissue box in a certain spot at the beginning of class. In class, scream or gasp and run over to the tissue box, acting like it was moved. Carefully fix it. 

41. Repeat. 

42. Ask if you can teach the class. 

43. Start a poker game. Try to get your teacher to join. 

44. Talk about your dream job as a janitor. 

45. Poke someone. 

46. Twice. 

47. Ask your teachers if they find sick pleasure in tormenting you. 

48. If a teacher isn’t already in the classroom, when they enter, inform them that they are late and should report to the principal. 

49. Put raisins over your teeth and grin widely at everyone you meet. 

50. Whenever the bell rings or an ambulance/police car passes, yell about the pigs coming to get you, and run out of the classroom. 

51.Start knitting yourself a scarf for the cold winter ahead.

52. Pretend you’re a tree. 

53. Inflate a beachball and throw it around the room. 

54. Churn some butter. 

55. Take your pants off and give them to the professor. 

56. Chew on your arm until someone notices. 

57. Change seats every three minutes.

58. Shave. 

59. Announce to the class that you are God and that you’re angry.

60. Roast marshmellows.

61. Take apart your desk.

62. Ask the person in front of you to marry you. 

63. Start laughing really hard and say, Oh, now I get it.

64. Give yourself a new identity. 

65. Dig an escape tunnel. 

66. Announce your candidacy for President.

67. If one of your friends is drinking something, in the middle of a drink start chanting glug glug glug 

68. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers. 

69. Wear socks on the outside of your shoes.

70. Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out. 

71. Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, Sorry, I really prefer it this way . 

72. When someone says Have a nice day , tell them you have other plans . 

73. Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters CHECK YOUR FLY .

74. Bring a small cactus to class with you. Raise your hand, and when you’re called on, say that the cactus has a question. Turn and look at the cactus, as if you’re waiting for it to say something. After a few moments, shrug, and wait for your professor to move on. Do this once a day, and become increasingly irritated with the cactus every time, sighing heavily and giving it evil looks when it fails to "speak." When you leave the room after class, start yelling at the cactus, "I can’t believe you embarrassed me AGAIN...." 

75. superglue a bunch of 25thebes to the floor, count how many people try to pick them up.

76. if someone near you falls asleep in class, tie their shoelaces to the desk/chair.

77. stand in front of the class and pretend you are a flight attendent and review the emergency procedures and exits

78. reapeat yourself constantly

79. call everyone bob

80. reapeat yourself constantly

81. name your pen Mr pen talk to him often, cry and go mad if Mr pen commits suicide (falls off the table)

82. Have a funeral for Mr pen

83. reapeat yourself constantly

84. be insane and be proud of it

85. reapeat yourself constantly

86. Put a sign on your desk that says "Out of my mind be back soon" Then go to sleep. If your teacher wakes you up Scream CAN'T YOU READ THE SIGN? then go back to sleep. 

87. reapeat yourself constantly (annoying aint it!)

88. (When you are taking a true false test) Whenever the answer is false stand up, grab your hair with both hands, and scream LIES ALL LIES, sit acting like nothing happend and repeat. 

89. Start having fights with yourself out loud over which one of your personalitys is better. Start to cry and say "I love you both why can't we all just get along" And if you are realy insane have your personalitys hug and make up. Then have all of your personalitys gather round to sing kumbya my lord! (I suggest you do this when it is really quiet in the room it scares more people)

90. Arrive late at school and tell the teacher that your car broke down due to your school bags being too heavy. Spend the rest of the day muttering of how you are going to sue the school.

Things to do at the KFC Drivethrough to make the attendant think you're Insane! (Humour)

35 THINGS TO DO AT THE KFC DRIVETHROUGH TO MAKE THE ATTENDANT THINK YOU'RE INSANE

1. Say "Amen" after you say your order.

2. Order a large cheese pizza.

3. Terminate the order by saying, "Remember, we never had this conversation." and then drive off.

4. Tell the attendant a rival fast food place is down the street and you're going with the lowest bidder.

5. When you take your order say "surprise me!"

6. Answer their questions with questions.

8. Sing your order.

9. Spell out your order.

10. Talk about your social life.

11. Tell the attendant you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.

12. Change your accent every three seconds.

13. After ordering say "and once your done throw it out and do it again cuz you won't get it right the first time!"

14. Ask to rent a burger.

15. Ask if there is a warrantee on your meal.

16. Ask if you get to keep the bag. When they say "yes" start crying with happiness and call your whole family to tell them the big news.

17. Tell them to double-check to make sure your burger is, in fact, dead.

18. Order just one fry.

19. Order two different meals and then say, "No, they'll start fighting."

20. Ask for the guy who took your order last time.

21. Take a picture of the person at the window.

22. Hand the person at the window a box of pizza and say, "that will be P57.95"

23. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."

24. Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.

24. When you're given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."

25. Bargain with the price.

26. Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that burger.

27. Wear a detective suit and pass the person at the window a breifcase and then drive off.

28. Ask if the burger has had it's shots.

29. Don't say a word. Just stare.

30. Tell them you are a vegetarian trying to break the habit and then order a burger.

31. Ask for chicken nuggets without the chicken

32. Start playing peek-a-boo with the attendant then refer to then as mommy or daddy and say that its storytime and you don't wanna go to bed.

33. Talk like a robot and recruit the guy at the window to take over the world

34. When you get to the window, hit the order taker with a water balloon and just sit and stare at them

35. Order a double patty beef burger. When you get to the window, take your food, take a big bite out of it, spit it out then accuse the attendant of puttin too much meat in it then demand for a new burger with less meat. Repeat until the burger is meatless, then smile and drive away. LoL!